Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Mr. Bush Sets The Record Straight (ha ha ha!)

Dubya finally gave his impressions concerning the missing high explosives in Iraq today. The President said John Kerry was "jumping to conclusions" about what really happened with the explosives. How ironic the president is ordering restraint before we make up our minds about weapons that may be in the hands of the enemy. Perhaps he wants John Kerry to exercise the same kind of restraint the President showed when he jumped to the conclusion that Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction.

The problem is, we KNOW these explosives were there, no one is disputing that they weren't there. And we also know, they're not there now. Bush went on to say today that if Kerry had been President, he would have not removed Saddam, and therefore, Saddam would still be in charge of these explosives, and MAY have given them to terrorist. Well, the terrrorist DEFINITELY have them now, so thanks a lot dubya, time for you to go.

We are not safer. We are not better off.

Kerry in a landslide!

Sunday, October 24, 2004

The World Series Effect

It's taxachusetts versus the heartland. Red state versus blue state. John Kerry's Red Sox versus John Ashcroft's Cardinals. My problem is I really want John Ashcroft's team to win...the World Series that is. I'm such a freak about politics I wonder what effect the world series will have on the election.

If the Cardinals lose, will it spur such voter apathy in Missouri that most people won't even bother to vote Nov. 2nd, surpressing voter turn-out, and giving the republicans an even bigger edge in the show-me state. And will the people in Boston become so enamored celebrating the lifting of "the curse" that the election becomes secondary and some of them FORGET to go to the polls. And lets not forget that dubya knows a thing or two about baseball. If the election were decided on who was better at throwing out the ceremonial first pitch, Bush wins in a landslide.

Now that I think about it, that's an excellent reason to vote for John Kerry, so Mr.Bush can spend time doing the things he knows how to do; clearing brush, and watching baseball. I can hear Bush's phone call to the winning locker room at the end of the series now.

"I know everyone in that locker room made more than $200,000 last year. So y'all know who to vote for. Except for you guys who aren't you That means you Manny Ramirez! But you can still donate to the GOP. I'm George Bush, and I approved of this World Series!"

Baseball is a great American institution, like rock&roll and Opra. So it almost seems natural to mix a little politics in with it. But if John Ashcroft sings "As The Eagle Soars" during the seventh inning stretch in game three in St Louis, I'll probably turn the channel.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Karl Rove Is Pissed

Mr. Bush has a certain affinity for male cheerleaders, having been one himself back in his college days. So when the news came down that his number one cheerleader, Bill O'Reilly, may have been involved in some sort of unseemly activity with one of his female producers Bush was beside himself.

"Damnit Karl, first Rush, now O'Reilly!" I'm sure the prez lamented to his most trusted advisor.

I'm sure Rove has to be asking himself how everything can go so terribly wrong all at once. His message machine is off kilter. And let's face it, his client didn't do him any favors in the debates. But what can he do about it, he can't shit a good debater, as they say down in Texas. So with three dismal debate performances, and a noticeable drift in the polls, what happens. The republican machine does something it almost never does, it went OFF message. I don't believe Rove's strategy to spin the debate and set up the home stretch was "there's something about Mary." See, Rove knows that this election is going to be won or lost on Iraq. But of course Rove can't tell Lynne Cheney, who looks more like a lesbian than her daughter, how to spin. And once Lynne let loose, the talking heads had their post-debate talking point. They were shocked, shocked I tell you, that a woman, who they don't believe has the right to marry, would have her OTHER, more applicable right trampled on by Kerry's mention of her during the debate.

Now the dreaded "L" word is no longer "liberal", it's "lesbian". Now Mr. Rove must get the troops on message, must drum up the fear factor. "Security moms of the world unite!" You bet Rove is pissed, his spin machine is spinning wildly out of control, and there's precious little time left. And those drifting poll numbers...oh, to have one more cheerleader.

Friday, October 15, 2004

I Voted Today

I went down to the election commission office today and voted early. I got down there at about three in the afternoon and there was a LINE! A line at the election office 18 days before the election. That's great, I thought, high voter turnout bodes well for the dems. Of course, here in Shelby county, there is no chance that Bush will win. Yes, there are democratic strongholds here in the dirty south. The last governor we elected in Tennessee was a democrat. And I will make my prediction now, IF, Bush loses Tennessee, he will have no chance to win re-elction. Bush has to have Tennessee, Kerry doesn't. The tale of the tape will be in Ohio, Florida, and Pennsylvania. (C'mon Lefty!)

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Bush Is Foaming At The Mouth!

At first I thought I was seeing things, as the President deflected a question about jobs, I noticed the tell-tell signs in the right corner of his mouth. A moment later, it seemed to go away, then when talking about homosexuality, it appeared again. This leads to only one conclusion; Bush has rabies!

Monday, October 11, 2004

Bloggitorial: Blogg Ads

Bloggger now offers a program "to turn your blog into a source of revenue" called Adsense. The way it works, as I understand it,is adds are placed on your blog and you recieve money, not based on how many people visit your blog and see the ad, but on how many people actually click on the ad. And the ads themselves will be chosen, not by you, but by Blogger, presumably based on the content of that particular post. It seems they want to, in effect, turn thousands of us into corporate shills.

The very thing that makes blogging so appealling, that it is uncensored, that it is opened to vitually anyone, that it creates such a diverse community of ideas, is in danger. I read other peoples blogs because I want to know what THEY think. And if someone is recieving revenue based on the number of hits on their site, the danger exist, that they could alter what they would normally write, in order to generate MORE income. So a great political site could become a big site touting the benifits of Viagra, or Ford or how much we love Wal-Mart.

I know we could all use the extra money, and if someone decides this is for them, more power to you. But I don't plan to link anyone who has ads and probably won't vistit their blog. Which for some people would be a blessing.

Well, I got to run to Wal-Mart and pick up some Coors Lite for the Monday Night Football game on ABC. Featuring my beloved Tennessee Titans and the Green Bay Packers of the NFL. Please send the check to J. Martin c/o thedirtysouth, Memphis TN.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

Blog Haikus

I work long hours on the river. Sometimes I get stuck up in the wheel house with nothing to do. So I do what every mariner does to wile the time away, yes that's right, I write Haikus.

I came up with a few about some of my favorite blogs. I am starting with the rowhouse because it is my favorite. Rose may be an unstable religious nut, but she is a great writer/poet and she has a heart of gold. The rest are in no particular order. I hope you like them. And no, I'm not gay. (not that there's anything wrong with that)


Day in day out life
mommy loading dishwasher
favorite poet.

Blonde Sagacity

Back-stage passes! Yes!!
cool for a conservative
good mom, right wing nut.

My War

Star of the blog world
punk rocker and ass kicker
takes no prisoners.

91 ghost

Artillery man
war vet, writer, no-nonsense
documents the past


Liberal sports fan
crazy as a shit house rat
do not fuck with him.

Cheeky Monkey

Lefty, English mum
can't ever be president
we still like her though.

Virago Girl

Hip and cool student
she is from the dirty south
liberal and sweet

Fair-haired yet strangely unbalanced

Good ole Texas gal
right wing nut, sometimes funny
navy wife and blonde


Well reasoned and smart
kicks your ass in a debate
serves his country well

Compasionate Condumbass

"like you, I'm concerned about the deficit"... Bush

"I've got a plan to increase our wetlands by 3 million..." (wtf)

"parts of the FBI can't talk to each other..." Bush

Friday, October 08, 2004

Hey!!! You!!! Undecided, vote you sonofabitch!!

OK, let's make the whole world jealous. Let's vote like hell! I would feel better if EVEREBODY voted and my man lost, than if only 50% of people vote and my man, well, lost...


Beat Like A Bitch

Kerry looked like he WAS the president. He was obviously more in command of the facts than President Bush. Bush still seems confused! How did Karl Rove allow this to happen? I'll tell you how, he is working with someone who, in the parlance of the dirty south, "don't give a fuck!" He don't give a fuck what our allies think. He don't give a fuck what the international community thinks. He doesn't give a fuck what about the middle class of this country.

"He wants you to think that I can't be president...." John Kerry

"The FBI can't talk to itself..." George Bush

Bush Comes Out Against Slavery!

Film at eleven.

Tennessee Is In Play!

According to the latest Zogby poll, Tennessee is in play. And I predict after tonight, Kerry will be in the lead state-wide. Now y'all listen up, Kerry can win without Tennessee, Bush cannot. These eleven electoral votes could make or break Bush. Politics in the dirty south, you gotta love it. If Gore had carried his home state, he wouldn't have needed Florida.

Ah Tennessee, home of Rocky Top and rock & roll; Elvis Presley and Minnie Pearl; Andrew Jackson and Al Gore. Swing state? You bet!!!

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Debate Predictions

If Mr. Bush doesn't shit in his pants or sneeze a booger out of his nose, he will be considered the winner of the debate Friday night. Let's face it, the bar, already low enough before the first debate, has been lowered yet again. NO ONE, not even his supporters, expect him to be great Friday. But if he manages to not shrug his shoulders and grimace like a pissed off adolescent, or make faces like a chimp, he will be crowned victorious by the media. And I mean the "real" media, not Fox News. Fox News has already taped their post-debate analysis, at least according to a memo Dan Rather has in his possesion. I can prove it, Friday night, Sean Hanity will say the following: "The President was much more comfortable in this *town hall* setting, than he was in the first debate. He seemed more a man of the people, more likeable. Kerry seemed too stiff and French-looking."
But the rest of the media will follow suit because they want Bush to win to set up the all important show-down debate next week. The only way Kerry will be declared the winner, is if he levitates Charlie Gibson using only the power of his mind. (But that would be cheating)

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Debates, Destin, And Everything Else...

I didn't get to see the first debate. Other than brief glimpses at the TV behind the bar at Goatfeathers, near Panama City Beach. I went down to Florida for a wedding, and except for one night at another gathering, politics were not discussed. And the night they were, yes it was at my insistence. I like politics. Which is the reason I read so many of these kooky blogs. But there are times when it's good to get away from that stuff for a while. To be with family and friends, hang out on the beach, spend ALL the money you can get your hands own. You know, have a life.
I didn't get to SEE the Veeps square-off tonight either, but I did hear it on the radio while at work on the river. And the first thing that struck me, was, "hey these guys are sitting down!" The whole time at work, I was imagining them standing. And also, I thought I heard Cheney getting tired, and was imagining what that might have looked like. Or wondering if he was going to have a heart attack. I didn't want him to, mind you, I just wondered how Gwen Ifill would handle it. Would she allow Edwards time to respond? Would the two sides agree to reschedule if the current Veep dropped dead? Would Dennis Hastert automatically become Veep, and if so, would he have to run out imediately and begin debating like a tag-team wrestler?
OK, so the debates, while I do enjoy them, are not going to sway my vote. I'm not saying we shouldn't have them, I'm saying, I'm a party man. I follow the news, but I am partisan, I admit it. I'm not saying I would never vote for a republican, or an independent. But in this particular election cycle, I'm voting for Kerry, and I already know that. I don't have to listen to Dick Cheney say, "and this is the first time we've met..." to John Edwards to know he is a liar. He lied about that, just like he lied about Iraq, just like he lied about Haliburton.

So enough politics for now.

Driving through parts of Penscecola, looked like a war zone. There is still a large relief effort going on down there. On parts of I-10, there are still piles and piles of pine trees, felled by Ivan. From Mobile, to Panama City Beach, there was noticeable damage. Massive sand dunes, from recently cleared roads, houses heavily damaged or destroyed. Beach accesses all but washed away, and gasoline still not widely available.
The hotel I stayed in was full of out of town relief workers and displaced families. At night the parking lot would fill with utility trucks and tree trimmers. I was there for six days, and everyday things got a little better.Those guys were busting their asses. And I did my part for the relief effort and local tax base by purchasing as much alchohol as possible. And if you're ever in Goatfeather's, try the stuffed flounder, it's excellent!