Sunday, November 28, 2004

All I Want For Christmas....

Is a revitalized Democratic party, capable of winning a few seats in the mid-term elections. And a viable, progressive, candidate in 2008, who can compete in the dirty south, and the dirty mountain west.
And for the president not to invade another country on bogus intelligence.
Oh, and one of those new i-books.
Thanks Santa!

What do you want for Christmas?

Friday, November 19, 2004

Let The Healing Begin

I feel better today after watching the dedication ceremony of Bill Clinton's presidential library in Little Rock. There was truly a spirit of bipartisanship there this morning. I even enjoyed George W's speech today, and his daddy's. And now I am left wondering how I can reach out, to the redfaced among us, and help bridge the partisan divide.

There has been a lot of talk since black Tuesday, I mean, election day, about morals and religion in society. And usually the line of thought is something like, "well, George W. Bush is a religious man, more so, than John Kerry, and Janet Jackson showed her tit on the Super Bowl and the Islamist extremist hate us, and the ten commandments need to be in the schools and the court house. Oh, and Saddam did it."

I know all that is confusing, and that's the point. Religion is all-encompassing. You're either in or your out, in Bushworld. Jerry Falwell said that we were being punished by God on 9/ll for our moral decline. And then he went on to say that God put Bush in office to lead the Christians against the evil Islamist.

A lot of times when a liberal pipes up and just ask a few questions, he's said to be a Godless communist. But why can't a free-market capitalist ask, "How can you be sure which religion is the correct one?" Or why can't a conservative, be an atheist? I love the chuckle and sometimes disdain and hostility that questioning Gods existence illicits in some circles. You often here, "There are no atheist in the foxhole!" That may be true, but I bet there are no "faith" base jumpers either.

You can test this theory. Get the most devout person you know. Climb to the top of El Capitan, and tell them to "faith" base jump WITHOUT a parachute. Tell them to put their life in Gods hands. Now, if you do this enough times, you will have some takers most assuredly. These are what the left refer to as "religious nuts". Some guys actually thought the quickest way to get into heaven was to fly airplanes into buildings. These guys are religious nuts also. If you hear Gods voice, the way you hear Bob Barkers voice on The Price is Right, then you're a religious nut too.

So if you are a religious nut, please, don't comment on my blog.

But if you are merely redfaced, then let the healing begin.

Friday, November 12, 2004

Trivial (Political) Pursuit

Multiple Choice
Please read each question carefully

What federal agency will the right wing of the Republican Party try to get rid of to pay for more massive tax cuts for the wealthy?

(A) Environmental Protection Agency

(B) Department of Education

(C) Internal Revenue Service

(D) All of the above

Which distinguished law school graduate is LEAST likely to be appointed to the Supreme Court in the next four years?

(A) Ken Starr

(B) David Sentelle

(C) Roy Moore

(D) Bill Clinton

What country is the US most likely to invade in the next four years?

(A) France

(B) Syria

(C) North Korea

(D) Iran

Who pushed hardest to replace the "Powell doctrine" of overwhelming force when engaging another country militarily?

(A) Condoleeza Rice

(B) Gen. Richard Myers

(C) Dick Cheney

(D) Donald Rumsfeld

Who will leave the Bush administration first?

(A) Condoleeza Rice

(B) Gen. Richard Myers

(C) Dick Cheney

(D) Donald Rumsfeld

Why has Dick Cheney decided not to run for President in 2008?

(A) Questionable health has caused him to rule out the rigors of another campaign.

(B) Would rather serve country by doing volunteer work back in Wyoming.

(C) Wants to open a chain of women's clothing stores.

(D) It doesn't pay enough.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Kyoto Shmyoto

The president has begun the healing process by reaching out and bitch-slapping the Kyoto agreements-AGAIN!

"You know, global warming, I mean, it's just a theory, like evolution."

"Why reduce the amount of greenhouse gasses based on conjecture? Do these scientist, I mean, do they really know? And think of all the jobs that will be lost. And lord knows we've lost enough of 'em already. The EU, Russia, yeah they're all in it, so maybe our CO2 levels will be cancelled out or something."

"I'll find something else to work with the democrats on, like more tax cuts, and drilling for oil in Alaska!"

"That's something everyone can agree on right?"

"These next four years are going to be the best four years of a handful of Americans lives! Wait and see!"

Friday, November 05, 2004

Bush Orders Strafing Of New Jersey School

"If you all remember, I vowed to punish the evil-doers, where ever they may be!"

"And New Jersey didn't exactly end up the right color on the map after the election, if you know what I mean. I have a MAN DATE! No, not a Sodom and Gomorra MAN DATE, I took care of those with ballot initiatives in eleven states (thanks again Ohio!) I have a MAN DATE to conduct the war the way I see fit. You're either with me, or your with the terrorist killers. Notice I said ME this time. Condi said I could."

"And let me just say, all those hateful emails you liberals are exchanging with each other, (and I can read them, because of the patriot act)- dead or alive. And I think that speaks for itself."

"But I also want to reach out, to those of you who voted for my opponent."

"Meet the new boss,
same as the old boss!
And as we say down in Texas,
Won't get fooled again!"

Thursday, November 04, 2004

A Simple Prayer

Inspired by "Jenny" in Forrest Gump.

Please God,
make me a millionaire,
so I can get the hell away,
from the rest of these assholes.

Please God,
make me a millionaire,
so I can get the hell away,
from the rest of these assholes.

Also God, could you please smite that guy who parks next to me in my garage.
He drives that huge SUV and he always parks so close to me that it's hard to open the door and get in. Also he has a Bush/Cheney sticker on his bumper, so please smite him espescially well.

And please God,
throw a lightning bolt especially close to that guy who almost ran me off the interstate today. I didn't see any stickers on his bumper, but he was driving a black Altima with Shelby county tags.

And I know you'll do these things for me God,
'cause you owe me big time!

And we both know what I'm talking about.

Thanks man.


Wednesday, November 03, 2004

The Dirty (Solid) South

From the same folks who gave you staunch support of slavery, succession from the union, Jim Crow, and the Scopes monkey trial...we give you...FOUR MORE YEARS!!!!!!

That huge granite rock with the Ten Commandments inscribed on it has been dragged out of the courthouse in Alabama, and dropped on all our collective heads.

These are the same people who don't want the science of evolution to be taught in schools.

The same people who want to open the school day with a prayer.

The same people who see the world in black and white.

Who believe in the divine right of Bush to "makeover" the middle east.

There is a religious war going on, only it's right here in this country. And we are losing. We have are own mullahs right here in this country. Just as fanatical.

But we will not give up the fight. Even those of us in the dirty south.

Monday, November 01, 2004

And The Winner Is.....

Kerry in a landslide!!! Yay! And here's why.

Forget, the Redskin's loss, or the little readers poll, or whatever that was. There is a more compelling predictor than hemlines or heretics. Yes, I'm referring to the Milli Vanilli effect.

If you remember in 1990 Milli Vanilli was forced to give up their Grammy for Album of the year because well it turned out, they didn't sing on the record. Two years later, Bill Clinton, the comeback kid, defeats 41 for the presidency. Coincidence? Hardly!

And now we have the Ashley Simpson affair on Saturday Nigt Live. Of course, this is different, it was really her voice, it just wasn't live. So we all know sometimes, dubya SOUNDS like he knows what he is talking about, until he's exposed the way he was during the debates. Then he just looks stupid. This has a lingering effect in the voters mind. They may not even be aware that they are being influenced in that way, but they know, SOMETHINGS NOT RIGHT WITH THE PRESIDENT!

Kerry in a landslide!