Saturday, August 21, 2004

Early Draft of Bush's Convention Speech

A friend of mine, who works for CREEP, the committee to re-elect the president, (they brought the name back for old time sake)slipped me an early draft of the president's convention speech. There are some interesting revelations.

My fellow Americans, now, more than any time in our history, our country is at a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total annihilation. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
As a matter of fact, we can pray right now,because as you know, God is on my side. I know this because He told me. Mind you, God doesn't have anything against my opponent, John Kerry, He just doesn't like one of his friends, Bill Clinton very much.
But unfortunately this is a democracy,and God doesn't get to pick who's president, like He does in some countries, one of which most assuredly is not France, I can guarantee you. So I want to talk about some of the issues. Let me start with my favorite issue, the reason God put me in office in the first place; the war on the evil-doers. Or as that liberal rag, the New York Times calls it, the war on terror. This is my pledge to the American people: I don't care how much this war cost, I will not raise taxes on the richest one percent of Americans to pay for it, no matter how large the deficit looms. You see what my opponent doesn't understand is we can conduct a global, undefined, war on terror sucking up the nations resources without actually having to pay for it. What I mean is, we won't have to pay for it, but our children and our children's children will pay for it. And they will be happy to pay for it, because we will give them a world without terror. I know the world will be terror free, by the way, because God told me. And anyway, how many six year olds vote?
Today, we no longer live under the threat of imminent attack from Saddam Hussien. As you know, invading Iraq was just one more front in the war on terror. My opponent wants to live in the past. He questions the wisdom of our pre-war intelligence. I say, even without the stockpiles of weapons, or a credible link to 9/ll, invading Iraq was the best thing I could have done to make America safer. Again, I wasn't just listening to the CIA on this, you get my drift. (eyes look up towards heaven)

Now I want to talk a little bit about jobs. The liberal media keep saying we are loosing jobs in this country. I say we have turned the corner. We couldn't possibly loose more than we have already. I have it on very good authority that we won't. (glances up) And besides, most of those people who have lost their jobs, aren't going to vote for me anyway. (winks at the camera)...

And let me just say in closing; if I fail to deliver on my stated promises in my second term, I will not seek a third. And I'm not just making this promise to you, I...well, a higher power, has been promised something, I'll tell you that. Thank you.
God Bless our country.
And God Bless the United States of America!


Blogger ~Jen~ said...

Smartass. *giggle*

2:14 PM  

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