Inherit The Spin Act III scene two

setting : White House (Karl Rove is formulating his plan. He will use the reporters gathered to distract and confuse the American people as to what has really happened to the president. Bill Clinton's earlier call has him frazzled. He is starting to take it out on Robert Novak.)

Novak - That's bullshit!! And I hate it!

Rove - Bob, listen to me, it's the surest way to keep America distracted.

Novak - But gerbils Karl? Gerbils? Not in my ass, no way! (looks at Gannon who himself is trying to stiffle the giggles) (at Gannon)Is this your idea Jeff?

Gannon - What, the gerbils or the photoshopping them coming out of your ass? (laughs hysterically)

Novak - (to Rove) Why can't they be coming out of his (points to Gannon) ass? Why do they have to come out of my ass?

Rove - First of all Bob, who cares about Jeff's ass? (sheepishly to Gannon) Well, besides me. (pacing now) And second, (pointing finger for emphasis) you are the respected columnist. Gerbils coming out of your ass is big news. We're talking front page shit here. Gerbils coming out of his (pointing to Gannon) ass, well, he's a nobody. (puts arm around a momentarily sad Gannon) But here's the beauty: Everyone will believe it, conservatives, liberals, homos, dykes, grannies and trannies. Of, course, we will all say it's a smear campaign by the left and the liberal me-

Novak - Yeah, yeah, the liberal media. But why do I have to be the sacrificial...ass. I mean, can't we just invade another country.

Rove - Well, first things first Bobby.

(Matt Cooper runs into the room)

Cooper - Quick, turn on the news!

Rove - What's going on?

Cooper - One of my (rolls eyes) anonymous sources told me Bill Clinton will be giving a press conference in one hour. Something about a blockbuster anouncement.

(Judith Miller walks in)

Miller - Anybody got any blow?

Rove -(annoyed) What are your sources telling you about this Clinton press conference?

Miller - (shrugs shoulders) I dunno. Maybe he's going to tell us he did not have sexual relations with that woman again.

Gannon - Are you high?

Miller - No, but I have been boozeing it up in the presidents secret stash upstairs. But I couldn't find any coke. Nothing but fucking pretzels up there.(slumps into a chair, appears to pass out)

Rove - (to Gannon) She's not allowed to use the phone. Oh, and if she tries to leave, shoot her.

Gannon - Yesss sir!

Novak - What's with that gay saluting thing? (looking at Gannon, then around the room, back at Gannon) Are you... (looking at Rove) Is he...gay?

Cooper - You have got to be the worst reporter in the world. I mean, your joking right?

Novak - Listen young man, I was interviewing the power elite in Washington back before you were born.

Cooper - You're just a paid fucking hack-

Novak - Oh, and what are you, huh, what are you?

Cooper - Sure I might have coddled the administration after 9/11 the way the rest of the press did, in the lead up to war, but I wasn't a fucking mouthpiece like you.

Rove - (laughing) You all did your part. Just as you all will continue doing your part. Now quiet down, I want to hear when and where this Clinton news conference is supposed to be.

(sound of tv news anchor)

Anchor - It seems former president Clinton will be in Washington today for a news conference slated to begin in about forty-five minutes in Lafayette Park, just in front of the White House...

Rove (turns tv down) Oh shit. (Looks at Gannon)
Time for you to call a press conference. (to Novak) Your ass is on in ten.

Novak - (yelling to Rove, as Rove quickly leave the room) That really is bullshit!