Thursday, July 14, 2005

"Inherit The Spin" Act II scene two:

setting: White House, oval office
(The president, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Jeff Gannon, Judith Miller, Robert Novak, Mathew Cooper, are gathered in the Oval Office, Rove is about to propose a toast, but Cheney is still worried.)

Rove - (raises glass) First of all, I would like to thank Judy, for all the spinning she has done for us over the years. It's reporters like her who make our job of lying and obsfucation so much easier. (downs glass)

All - (toasting in approval) Here! Here!

Novak - (raise a glass) To the flagship of the liberal media bias, the New York Times!(tosses his drink back)

Miller - (just before she drinks) All the news thats fit to print!
(everyone struggling not to spill their drinks as they laugh)

Bush - I guess since I'm the president I should say something. (looks around at Cheney and Rove for approval)

Bush - (after approval from Rove) Well, I, I , I, got to say. You know, we got a pretty good team - Karl and Dick and Scott and...

Cheney - (interrupting) OK sport, we understand, that will be all...

Bush - (looking at Karl) What? (suddenly realizing) Oh! I mean Jeff, yes the new member of the team. (pauses awkwardly, looks to Cheney) Can I go ride my bike now?

Cheney - Yes, but be sure and wear your helmet.

Rove - (whispering to Cheney) How much has he had to drink?

Cheney - He'll be fine, the guys will keep a close eye on him.

Rove - (to Gannon)Make sure no reporters are hanging around outside. We don't want anymore crashes on the nightly news.

Gannon - (salutes effeminately) Yessss sir! (Cheney rolls eyes as the rest chuckle)
(Gannon and Bush exit stage right)

Cheney (to Rove) What are your sources telling you about Valerie and Joe, what are they up to?

Rove - Well sir, I have to say, something strange is definitely up. The Wilson's seem to be communicating with the Clinton orginization more and more.

Cheney - (smashes glass on the floor) Goddamnit! It's worse than we thought!

Cooper - You know, I've been hearing some strange things too. (pouring another drink, stuffing a doughnut in his mouth.) Joe and Valerie doing lots of behind the scenes fundraising. Spending the night in Massapequa, wife swapping....

Rove - I heard there's been a little girl on girl action.

Miller - (to Cheney) Would you like me to write a front page story in the New York Times exposing Bill Clinton as an adulterer?

(everyone stares at her dumbfounded)

Miller - Oh! Wait, that's actually true, what was I thinking?

Cheney - There's something more here.

Rove - I sense a disturbance in the force. Something I haven't felt for a long, long time.

Cheney - Don't start with that shit again...(grabs throat, struggles to breath)

Rove - I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Cooper - (to Rove) Are you doing that!

Rove - No!, He's probably having a heart attack! Alert the secret service!

(Gannon rushes in)

Gannon - The president fell off his bike! He busted his head open, they took him to Bethesda!

(agents rush in take Cheney off on a stretcher)

Cooper - Who's in charge of the country now?

Novak - I think the Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert is next in line...

Rove - No! I'm in charge now!(picks up the phone) Lock down the White House, don't allow anyone in or out. (to Gannon) No statements to the media!

Gannon - (pointing to Cooper, Miller and Novak) What about these guys?

Rove - (smiling) Oh they're not going anywhere.

Gannon - (rushes over to Rove) I just knew you were the guy for me! This is so exciting! (pauses, then gets more excited) This means I am the FIRST LADY!
(kisses Rove, dances around) Well, the first thing I'm going to do is get rid of those awful drapes Laura put up in the Lincoln bedroom. And then..

Rove - Jeff, listen. This things not over, and we don't know how long we will be in charge. So let's not get ahead of ourselves.

(phone rings, Jeff answers)

Gannon - Hello. (eyes widened) Yes. Yes sir, I see. I will tell him.

Gannon - (afraid, speaking slowly) That was, (pauses) Bill Clinton!

Rove - Oh Shit!

Gannon - He said he's on to you, and he won't allow you to get away with your take over of the government.

Rove - We'll just see about this. (picks up the phone) Get me Matt Drudge on the line...

Cooper - (to the other reporters) What's happening to our constitutional democracy?

Novak - I think it's doing just fine, don't you. I mean, after all we haven't been attacked since 9/11. Isn't that more important than the constitution?

Miller - Yeah, I don't know about you, but I'd rather be alive than free.

Rove - (puts his arm around Cooper) Yes, we will protect you, you just do as you're told.

Gannon - (removes Rove's arm from Cooper's shoulder, inserts himself underneath Rove's arm) I know I feel safer.

Cooper - (looking towards the audience) Maybe Scott was right. Maybe the truth does matter.

(curtain closes on Act II as thunder and lightning erupt outside the windows of the White House)

stay tuned for the third and final act....coming soon.


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