Friday, July 15, 2005

"Inherit The Spin" Act II

The Players

Judith Miller - Jailed New York Times reporter. Wrote lots of articles backing up the administrations claims of WMD in Iraq. Turned out to be complete bullshit.

Matt Cooper - Reporter for Time magazine who sang like a bird rather than go to jail.

Donald Rumsfeld - Secretary of Defense, chief architect of the less is more school of invasion. Also came up with the "these guys attacked us, so let's attack these other guys" doctrine.

Gitmo Guard #1 - South African mercenary, just here for the money, and here to watch you squirm.

Gitmo Guard #2 - Conscientious US Marine, appalled at some of the things he's seen. Reported what he saw to the FBI investigators

Robert Novak - Spineless party hack. Takes his orders from Rove. But will do anything to save his own skin.

(Setting: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. US detention facility.)

Act II Scene I

(Guards drag a still limp Scott McClellan into a cell with Judy Miller. Miller rushes over to check on McClennan)

Miller - Scott McClennan? Is that you? What are you doing here?

McClennan - (still dazed) Huh, where am I?(attempts to sit up)

Miller - Welcome to Cuba, my friend. Gitmo to be exact.

McClennan - What? Why here?

Miller - Because, Scott. Because they can. They can hold us here for as long as they want. They don't even have to charge us with a crime.

McClennan - They can just keep us here?

Miller - Yes. (hears footsteps) Shhhh (whispering) Pretend you're asleep.

Guard #1 - Ah, I see we have a new guest! And who might you be?

McClennan - Uh, hello, I'm Scott. Scott McClennan. And I'm not sure I'm...

Guard - ...supposed to be here, right. Yes well, I assure you, you're in the right place.

(off stage a lot of commotion, the sound of soldiers being called to attention. Enter Donald Rumsfeld with guard #2)

Guard #2 - A-ten-hut!

(guard #1 snaps to attention)

Rumsfeld - (slowly walks toward guard #1, smiling slightly, pointing his finger) You know, you're not an American soldier, so you don't really have to do that.

Guard #1 - Sorry sir, habit.

Rumsfeld - (to guard #1, waving hand dismissively) Go away now.

Guard #1 - Yes sir. (quickly exits stage left)

McClennan - Thank God you're here Don. The last thing I remember, I was in the oval office, and then all of the sudden felt dizzy. Was there another attack? How did I end up here? Was it for my own safety?

Rumsfeld - (looking around in the cell, ignoring McClennan, speaks to Judy) Everything OK with you Judy?

Miller - Yes Mr Secretary, everything's fine.

Rumsfeld - How's the food?

Miller - The orange chicken is to die for, but the peas were a little over cooked. All in all, a typical meal for a red-stater.

Rumsfeld - Not like the usuall New York haute cuisine you're used to I take it?

Miller - No sir, but I'm not complaining, I'm a team player.

Rumsfeld - I know you are, and that's why I'm here.

McClennan - Hey, Don, what about me?!

Rumsfeld - (pauses, still smiling, a touch annoyed eyes McClennan) You know Scott, I am going to get to you. You just don't know when to shut up do you? I suppose that's why you are here in the first place.

(McClennan sits down bewildered)

Rumsfeld - (speaking to Judy) Well, if you were to get out of here, you would be tempted to write a story about how the conditions here aren't so bad, isn't that right?

Miller - Yes Mr Secretary, of course. I carried the water on WMD's in Iraq, and I can certainly carry the water on Gitmo.

Rumsfeld - I knew we could count on you. (to guard #2) Let her out.

Miller - Oh, thank you sir. Thank you thank you thank you!

Rumsfeld - Remember our little deal.

Miller - Absolutely, all the news that's fit to print.

Rumsfeld - With a liberal bias no less! (everyone breaks into laughter, Miller exits the cell and exits stage right)

(everyone except McClennan stops laughing, all eyes on him now, his laughing becomes more muted now)

Rumsfeld - So you don't think it's important that we protect the president?

Rumsfeld - I find your attitude, noticeably unhelpful.
Karl told me about your little outburst in Washington.
You used to be on our side. What happened?

McClennan - (staring at the floor) I - don't know - I - I just can't - the lies, all the lies...

Rumsfeld - You see Scott, that's your problem. You know how we do things. We create our own reality. Things like the truth, lies, these are quaint ideas, like the Geneva convention. We say what the truth is, what reality is.

McClennan - I'm just not sure anymore. I just...

Rumsfeld - Yes Scott. Yes we know. And that's why we brought you here. For re-education. You seem to have forgotten some things. Some things that you were taught early on in this administration. But our friends here will help you. (walking away, motioning to guard #1 who passes Rumsfeld on his way out.)

Rumsfeld - (voice off stage) We're trying to help you Scott.

Guard #1 - (staring at McClennan cowering in his cell) I don't care why you are here. It is of no concern for me. (As he speaks two workers set up a large television and dvd player in front of McClennan's cell.)

Guard #1 - First we will soften you up a bit. I will play you this very special movie, we use on our worst offenders. The ones who don't think they belong here. After a day or two of this, you will realize our point of view. Either way, I shall enjoy watching you suffer. (the workers finish setting up the television, as they walk away, the Maria Carey movie "Glitter" comes on at an uncomfortably loud volume)

McClennan - (hands over both ears, screaming now) Nooooooo! Goddamn you Rumsfeld!! Noooooo! Please! Stop it! Stop it now! AAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhh!

(curtain goes down on Act II scene one with McClennan thrashing about his cell, crying and screaming)

scene two coming soon


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